Eight text messages where an emoticon doesn’t really make a difference

1) You’re fired :0

2) Jury deliberating. Looks bad :(

3) Dr says heart attack... <3

4) I’m gonna cut you >:0

5) Mom, I’m gay :)

6) Lol, killed dog w/ bare hands :P

7) Universe is expanding :/

8) I can't keep it in anymore. I love you. I've been watching you with unbridled longing from across the office for seven years, hoping the yearning would cease. But it's not, it only grows stronger, and if I can't have you I'm going to honestly lose my sanity ;)